When I was growing up underwear was underwear. They were white...maybe pale pink or blue. They covered up you entire rear-end and went up past your navel. Everyone my age wore the same kind. There was no competition with who had the prettiest undies or what name brand you wore. If you wanted to get a little crazy, you might have owned a set of the 'days of the week' panties, throwing caution to the wind and wearing Tuesday on Friday. But that's as crazy as undies got.
I always thought that 'sexy panties' were for one reason and one reason only.
As I got older, I acquired a few of those 'other' kind of undies. But these were worn for their one purpose only - and also on laundry day. On laundry day you needed to make sure you washed all your day-to-day undies, so the pretty ones had to be worn then. I bet more men have been sorely disappointed when they got into bed at night, only to learn that they had clean clothes. (yeah...think about it a minute - you'll get it.)
All was light and comfy in my world, until THAT day....the day I was told the "sexy underwear secret". My Boss (female), Friend and Mentor, went out shopping during lunch one day and returned with shopping bags FULL of pretty, sexy underwear. She had purchased bras, panties, camisoles and slips - several colors - all matchy-matchy and cute as could be. Then she sat me down and explained that "women don't wear sexy underwear for men - they wear it to feel good about themselves!" Well, shiver MY timbers! Who knew??
Thus began my 25 year journey into a world of beauty and complication. I had my "feel good about me" undies; my "feel like I'm young again" undies (remember, I had all those wasted 'white' years); my "do these make my butt look SMALL?" undies; my "note-the-way-I-feel-today-on-my-ass" undies; and my "period" panties. (If you don't understand - you are a man.) And when I went to Weight Watchers and lost 25 pounds at age 40, I finally had my "I am old but not dead yet and a heck of a lot thinner" thong-undies. And I felt good about myself - because that was the 'real reason' I was wearing them, right?
Does anyone else know that feeling good about yourself comes with a lot of wedgies? And how much you have to change your underwear? You have to make sure you have on the proper cut, color and style whenever you put on clothing or you can see panty lines or colors shining through your white skirts. And then there is the dreaded Muffin-Top. Think about it...a new phrase was coined to describe the way "a roll of flesh spilling over the top of a tight skirt or trousers" looks - all because of underwear. But, it's obviously worth the pain because makes us feel "good about ourselves", right?
So for 25 years I've felt really good about myself. I felt so good about me that one time I wore yoga pants to the dentist office for three crowns to be done. I felt so good about me that I wore a thong under those yoga pants to the dentist office for three hours worth of dental work to be done. Three LONG hours of sitting in a chair, completely helpless, with someone in the room with me at all times. Someone with me AT ALL TIMES for three long hours of sitting in a chair with a THONG splitting my body in half in a very slow and painful manner. Let's just say if I ran Guantanamo Bay there would be a lot less water-boarding and lot more Thong-Wearing.
And yet, even after the torture training, I carried on. I am not a quitter. I didn't wear my yoga pants very often, but I still pulled, yanked, tugged and dug for a couple of more years..just to prove that I was still a confident woman. One afternoon recently I noted that my 20 year old Daughter was wearing these cute little Yoga Capris with zero panty lines....and she had a very relaxed look on her face. Well, I was NOT having my daughter wandering around with (obviously) no underwear on! I coyly began the interrogation by saying "soooo....what kind of underwear do you wear with yoga pants?" To my surprise she said "oh, I wear the full butt kind". She continued "I'm with kids all day (babysitter/nanny) - I'm not going to be chasing after them and be miserable because of my underwear....are you kidding me? Besides, these look good and who am I trying to impress? I'm not trying to be all sexy for anyone right now."
What? Not a thong? Where are your panty lines? Where is that confidence coming from then? How are you happy with yourself??? How can you be confident and content if your not pulling out a wedgie? ...and yet, she seemed to have not a worry in the world....she seemed....at PEACE.
I went immediately to purchase the biggest pair of underwear I could find. I didn't even care about the color. $6.95 for a packet of 6. I was right all along. Sexy panties ARE for one thing and one thing only. I will never doubt myself again.
No comments:
Post a Comment