I'm on vacation this week. Actually, it turned out to be a Staycation. Our beach plans fell through - but you probably already knew that by the screaming and wailing you heard coming from my blog. Who knows, though....this might turn out to be better than the sandy beaches, cushy hotel, wonderful swimming pool, eating out.....yeah...who am I kidding?
I'll see you guys next Monday. Have a wonderful week and remember that this is a fantastic time to catch up on your reading!!!
Whitney
Monday, July 18, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Whit's Wit
FAMILY FRIDAY!!!
My Mother and I were attending a function at my Daughter's Elementary School one year. It was an outdoor PE demonstration, so everyone was settle around the parking lot of the school, in a very casual manner - some standing, but most of us sitting on the ground, chatting and waiting for the demonstration to start.
Since we were somewhat gathered up, we could easily hear other conversations taking place around us. My Community is filled with many different races of people, so it is not surprising at all to hear many different languages spoken when out and about. So when these two Hispanic ladies began to chat in their native tongue, it was not surprising to us. However, a few minutes into their conversation my Mother got this very strange expression on her face - leaned into me and whispered:
"Can you hear them?" "Yes, Ma'am", I replied.
"Can you hear what they are saying?" Again "Yes, Ma'am."
"Can you UNDERSTAND what they are saying?" and my final "Yes, Ma'am".
"Oh...are they speaking English now???? I thought all of a sudden I was able to understand SPANISH!! schwew!!"
To this day we will ask her to read something in Spanish and she will return with "You know I can't READ it, I can just understand the Spoken Word!"
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Whit's Wit - "Ode to Undies"
or "The Day I Took Back My Life"
When I was growing up underwear was underwear. They were white...maybe pale pink or blue. They covered up you entire rear-end and went up past your navel. Everyone my age wore the same kind. There was no competition with who had the prettiest undies or what name brand you wore. If you wanted to get a little crazy, you might have owned a set of the 'days of the week' panties, throwing caution to the wind and wearing Tuesday on Friday. But that's as crazy as undies got.
I always thought that 'sexy panties' were for one reason and one reason only.
As I got older, I acquired a few of those 'other' kind of undies. But these were worn for their one purpose only - and also on laundry day. On laundry day you needed to make sure you washed all your day-to-day undies, so the pretty ones had to be worn then. I bet more men have been sorely disappointed when they got into bed at night, only to learn that they had clean clothes. (yeah...think about it a minute - you'll get it.)
All was light and comfy in my world, until THAT day....the day I was told the "sexy underwear secret". My Boss (female), Friend and Mentor, went out shopping during lunch one day and returned with shopping bags FULL of pretty, sexy underwear. She had purchased bras, panties, camisoles and slips - several colors - all matchy-matchy and cute as could be. Then she sat me down and explained that "women don't wear sexy underwear for men - they wear it to feel good about themselves!" Well, shiver MY timbers! Who knew??
Thus began my 25 year journey into a world of beauty and complication. I had my "feel good about me" undies; my "feel like I'm young again" undies (remember, I had all those wasted 'white' years); my "do these make my butt look SMALL?" undies; my "note-the-way-I-feel-today-on-my-ass" undies; and my "period" panties. (If you don't understand - you are a man.) And when I went to Weight Watchers and lost 25 pounds at age 40, I finally had my "I am old but not dead yet and a heck of a lot thinner" thong-undies. And I felt good about myself - because that was the 'real reason' I was wearing them, right?
Does anyone else know that feeling good about yourself comes with a lot of wedgies? And how much you have to change your underwear? You have to make sure you have on the proper cut, color and style whenever you put on clothing or you can see panty lines or colors shining through your white skirts. And then there is the dreaded Muffin-Top. Think about it...a new phrase was coined to describe the way "a roll of flesh spilling over the top of a tight skirt or trousers" looks - all because of underwear. But, it's obviously worth the pain because makes us feel "good about ourselves", right?
So for 25 years I've felt really good about myself. I felt so good about me that one time I wore yoga pants to the dentist office for three crowns to be done. I felt so good about me that I wore a thong under those yoga pants to the dentist office for three hours worth of dental work to be done. Three LONG hours of sitting in a chair, completely helpless, with someone in the room with me at all times. Someone with me AT ALL TIMES for three long hours of sitting in a chair with a THONG splitting my body in half in a very slow and painful manner. Let's just say if I ran Guantanamo Bay there would be a lot less water-boarding and lot more Thong-Wearing.
And yet, even after the torture training, I carried on. I am not a quitter. I didn't wear my yoga pants very often, but I still pulled, yanked, tugged and dug for a couple of more years..just to prove that I was still a confident woman. One afternoon recently I noted that my 20 year old Daughter was wearing these cute little Yoga Capris with zero panty lines....and she had a very relaxed look on her face. Well, I was NOT having my daughter wandering around with (obviously) no underwear on! I coyly began the interrogation by saying "soooo....what kind of underwear do you wear with yoga pants?" To my surprise she said "oh, I wear the full butt kind". She continued "I'm with kids all day (babysitter/nanny) - I'm not going to be chasing after them and be miserable because of my underwear....are you kidding me? Besides, these look good and who am I trying to impress? I'm not trying to be all sexy for anyone right now."
What? Not a thong? Where are your panty lines? Where is that confidence coming from then? How are you happy with yourself??? How can you be confident and content if your not pulling out a wedgie? ...and yet, she seemed to have not a worry in the world....she seemed....at PEACE.
I went immediately to purchase the biggest pair of underwear I could find. I didn't even care about the color. $6.95 for a packet of 6. I was right all along. Sexy panties ARE for one thing and one thing only. I will never doubt myself again.
When I was growing up underwear was underwear. They were white...maybe pale pink or blue. They covered up you entire rear-end and went up past your navel. Everyone my age wore the same kind. There was no competition with who had the prettiest undies or what name brand you wore. If you wanted to get a little crazy, you might have owned a set of the 'days of the week' panties, throwing caution to the wind and wearing Tuesday on Friday. But that's as crazy as undies got.
I always thought that 'sexy panties' were for one reason and one reason only.
As I got older, I acquired a few of those 'other' kind of undies. But these were worn for their one purpose only - and also on laundry day. On laundry day you needed to make sure you washed all your day-to-day undies, so the pretty ones had to be worn then. I bet more men have been sorely disappointed when they got into bed at night, only to learn that they had clean clothes. (yeah...think about it a minute - you'll get it.)
All was light and comfy in my world, until THAT day....the day I was told the "sexy underwear secret". My Boss (female), Friend and Mentor, went out shopping during lunch one day and returned with shopping bags FULL of pretty, sexy underwear. She had purchased bras, panties, camisoles and slips - several colors - all matchy-matchy and cute as could be. Then she sat me down and explained that "women don't wear sexy underwear for men - they wear it to feel good about themselves!" Well, shiver MY timbers! Who knew??
Thus began my 25 year journey into a world of beauty and complication. I had my "feel good about me" undies; my "feel like I'm young again" undies (remember, I had all those wasted 'white' years); my "do these make my butt look SMALL?" undies; my "note-the-way-I-feel-today-on-my-ass" undies; and my "period" panties. (If you don't understand - you are a man.) And when I went to Weight Watchers and lost 25 pounds at age 40, I finally had my "I am old but not dead yet and a heck of a lot thinner" thong-undies. And I felt good about myself - because that was the 'real reason' I was wearing them, right?
Does anyone else know that feeling good about yourself comes with a lot of wedgies? And how much you have to change your underwear? You have to make sure you have on the proper cut, color and style whenever you put on clothing or you can see panty lines or colors shining through your white skirts. And then there is the dreaded Muffin-Top. Think about it...a new phrase was coined to describe the way "a roll of flesh spilling over the top of a tight skirt or trousers" looks - all because of underwear. But, it's obviously worth the pain because makes us feel "good about ourselves", right?
So for 25 years I've felt really good about myself. I felt so good about me that one time I wore yoga pants to the dentist office for three crowns to be done. I felt so good about me that I wore a thong under those yoga pants to the dentist office for three hours worth of dental work to be done. Three LONG hours of sitting in a chair, completely helpless, with someone in the room with me at all times. Someone with me AT ALL TIMES for three long hours of sitting in a chair with a THONG splitting my body in half in a very slow and painful manner. Let's just say if I ran Guantanamo Bay there would be a lot less water-boarding and lot more Thong-Wearing.
And yet, even after the torture training, I carried on. I am not a quitter. I didn't wear my yoga pants very often, but I still pulled, yanked, tugged and dug for a couple of more years..just to prove that I was still a confident woman. One afternoon recently I noted that my 20 year old Daughter was wearing these cute little Yoga Capris with zero panty lines....and she had a very relaxed look on her face. Well, I was NOT having my daughter wandering around with (obviously) no underwear on! I coyly began the interrogation by saying "soooo....what kind of underwear do you wear with yoga pants?" To my surprise she said "oh, I wear the full butt kind". She continued "I'm with kids all day (babysitter/nanny) - I'm not going to be chasing after them and be miserable because of my underwear....are you kidding me? Besides, these look good and who am I trying to impress? I'm not trying to be all sexy for anyone right now."
What? Not a thong? Where are your panty lines? Where is that confidence coming from then? How are you happy with yourself??? How can you be confident and content if your not pulling out a wedgie? ...and yet, she seemed to have not a worry in the world....she seemed....at PEACE.
I went immediately to purchase the biggest pair of underwear I could find. I didn't even care about the color. $6.95 for a packet of 6. I was right all along. Sexy panties ARE for one thing and one thing only. I will never doubt myself again.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Whit's Wit
A friend recently stated that "whoever said children keep you young was LYING!" I responded that I agreed completely; which is why I was using the "pickling' method to preserve my youth!!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Whit's Wit
I think I've mentioned before that my Husband is a Grand Champion Snorer. The other night my Husband had fallen asleep on his back while I was still awake reading. Normally I have to wake him up to roll over, but he miraculously awoke and rolled over by himself. In an effort to applaud his thoughtfulness, the following conversation took place:
Me: "Oh, you are rolling over without my making you! Yay!!"
Gary: "Yes. I am rolling over so I won't snore so loudly, and to make it easier for you to KISS MY ASS!"
The Honeymoon is over.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Whit's Wit
FAMILY FRIDAY!!
My Mom is a chronic list maker. She writes down every single little thing that she needs to do. (Yes, exactly where I get it from!) When we were younger she used to keep her "Things to Do" list on the refrigerator so she could add to it or mark off things when she was done.
One day, when I was obviously bored out of my head, I was perusing her list. Somewhere down around line 17 the hand writing changed ever so slightly and the entry read:
Paint "SEE ROCK CITY" on roof.
Yep - kids have been hijacking parents ever since the dark ages.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Whit's Wit
Every day I am surprised by yet another hair popping up on me in an area that no hair has EVER dared to tread. I'm beginning to think that bald men don't need to buy Rogaine, they need to buy ESTROGEN!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Whit's Wit
My Mother-In-Law told us she was going to "do a bag of weed a day".
I told her next time she should probably start that conversation with "I am clearing out the FLOWER BED and..."
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Whit's Wisdom
I'm exhausted. I have started my blog post at least 10 times today. I have so much to say. I have been so aggravated at my fellow Americans. I have been so mad at the News Media. I have been so frustrated with my Facebook Friends. I have wanted to lash out, speak out, make people listen - understand - I wanted to PROVE SOMETHING.
And I finally realized something late this afternoon - sometimes I need to WAIT and THINK before I express my opinion. The very thing I was getting aggravated by - people spouting their opinions as soon as the Casey Anthony Trial verdict was read - was basically what I was trying to do on this blog. I watched the trial so I could voice an informed opinion....and instead I was going to knee-jerk and start telling people how wrong they were.
So I will wait. And I will think. And I will form my opinion in a mature fashion. And if I still believe that I have something to say that will benefit someone else, I will share it. But today I have learned a wonderful lesson. It is better to speak softly and be heard than to yell and be disregarded.
See you tomorrow!
And I finally realized something late this afternoon - sometimes I need to WAIT and THINK before I express my opinion. The very thing I was getting aggravated by - people spouting their opinions as soon as the Casey Anthony Trial verdict was read - was basically what I was trying to do on this blog. I watched the trial so I could voice an informed opinion....and instead I was going to knee-jerk and start telling people how wrong they were.
So I will wait. And I will think. And I will form my opinion in a mature fashion. And if I still believe that I have something to say that will benefit someone else, I will share it. But today I have learned a wonderful lesson. It is better to speak softly and be heard than to yell and be disregarded.
See you tomorrow!
Whit's Wit
The Media puts such a spin on the facts that Rumpelstiltskin has set up business outside all of the News Stations. He's making a fortune selling all the webs they weave!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Happy 4th of July!!
I hope everyone has a great day today! I'll be back, hopefully in full swing, tomorrow! Be safe and enjoy your right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness....and remember those who are defending our Country while we enjoy those rights.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Whit's Wit
FAMILY FRIDAY!!
My Niece has been quite a Negotiator since she was able to talk...which I believed happened as she was coming out of the womb. As my Mother would say "if she couldn't dazzle you with her footwork, she confused you with her words." So she was very confident when she was trying to get her Mother to allow her to just "hold" her pacifier...not use it...of course she knew she was too old to still need a pacifier...right? Well, the conversation went something like this:
Casey: "I just want to HOOOOLD it, Mommy! I won't put it in my mouth!"
Mommy: "No, Casey. You don't need it anymore. You are a big girl now. You don't need to hold it."
Casey: "But I just want to HOOOOOLD it!!"
Mommy: "No, Casey....you want to put it in your mouth."
Casey: "I won't! I promise!, I PROMISE!!"
Mommy: "OK...you just want to hold it?" (Whips out scissors and cuts off the pacifier nipple and hands plastic part to Casey) "There....hold it."
Casey: (Insert knife cutting through her soul) "Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!"
Score one for frustrated Moms everywhere.
My Niece has been quite a Negotiator since she was able to talk...which I believed happened as she was coming out of the womb. As my Mother would say "if she couldn't dazzle you with her footwork, she confused you with her words." So she was very confident when she was trying to get her Mother to allow her to just "hold" her pacifier...not use it...of course she knew she was too old to still need a pacifier...right? Well, the conversation went something like this:
Casey: "I just want to HOOOOLD it, Mommy! I won't put it in my mouth!"
Mommy: "No, Casey. You don't need it anymore. You are a big girl now. You don't need to hold it."
Casey: "But I just want to HOOOOOLD it!!"
Mommy: "No, Casey....you want to put it in your mouth."
Casey: "I won't! I promise!, I PROMISE!!"
Mommy: "OK...you just want to hold it?" (Whips out scissors and cuts off the pacifier nipple and hands plastic part to Casey) "There....hold it."
Casey: (Insert knife cutting through her soul) "Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!"
Score one for frustrated Moms everywhere.
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